This life I’m living… isn’t what I expected. But it’s what I wanted. How do I know that? I know it by the aliveness I feel, the tingling running down my spine and giving me goosebumps. I know it by the deep sense of happiness that bubbles up from inside, giving birth to a smile that is impossible to suppress. I know it by the way I relax into bed at the end of the day, sleeping fully, deeply, soundly… except on the nights when I awaken in the pre-dawn hours bursting with ideas, stories to tell, realizations, or just the urge to smell Jonah’s hair, to snuggle into Mark’s side, to feel – really, really feel – the bed, the air, the moonlight, the coolness of my shoulder and the warmth of my calf.
Life has more colors now.
There is more room in each day. There is enough time. FINALLY. There is enough time. There is enough space. There is room for all of this – all of me, all of the feelings and ideas and colors and nothing, nothing, nothing has to happen right now. It can just exist, exactly as it is. And that is enough.
Oh my god I am so in love with enough.
It is only when I am pulled back into the illusion of needing more that I stop feeling so alive. When feeling, when vibrancy, become burdens. When the colors become too bright and then quickly start to fade.
The mountains and rivers and trees sing the song of enoughness. I need to hear this song again and again and again until my own heart can play it from memory. Until the illusion of lack, of not-enough, no longer creates dischord within.
Until enoughness is all I see and know and feel.
Until I breathe with the full freedom of my being.
And then what?
I have no idea!
Leah
Leah is a lifelong adventurer, exploring the world while home/road-schooling her son (though often he's schooling her). An experienced Reiki practitioner, she offers healing-and-action sessions, developing personalized roadmaps to help others connect with their own deepest wisdom and guidance, and claim a life of authenticity and joy.
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Leah, your words touch something inside of me that wants the same. Yet I am not ready to take the leap alone. Perhaps with a partner. Thank you for sharing so freely and deeply. It makes an impact on me!
Thank YOU, Doreen! Keep wanting and dreaming – you might just find that one day the fear will seem small in comparison to the ferocity of your desire and the leap won’t be quite so scary.